Subject: Coffee in 5 minutes!
Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 09:55:01 -0500
From: Allison T Clayton 

Mornin', Neighbors!  Monday rolled around again, but this time, much to our
delight, Monday was a holiday*!  The Coffee Collective does love their
holidays, sitting around, twiddling their thumbs, awaiting the Tuesday that
wants to be a Monday, just to serve you coffee!  So, today in the foyer, even
though your calendar says it's Tuesday, it is Monday beginning at 10a.m.
Start this four-day week off right by piping that black, murky goodness
directly into your veins**!  But don't forget to accompany it with bagels and
donuts; black, murky goodness gets lonely without bagels and donuts.

*Lincoln's birthday is really Feb 12; Washington's is Feb. 22.  Since they're
 both dead, I guess it's okay to average 12 & 22, using some math technique
 I've never seen before, and make President's Day the third Monday of

**Please note: The intravenious set-up that we have ordered for Monday Morning
  Coffees has not yet arrived.  We hope it will be here in a timely fashion,
  but until then, you should continue to imbibe your coffee orally.


[puzzle continuation, begin Alaskan folk mood-music]

This week, we leave the British province of Purquoh, later than we expected,
to meet our heroine, Ivana K. Offee, on the Alaskan coast in an obscure town
called Valdez, Juan of the most laid back towns in the nation (so laid back,
in fact, that there is neither phone nor mail service, and even the government
doesn't know they exist).  When we arrive at Valdez, Juan of the men steps up
to our small, single engine plane to greet us, introducing himself as Hal

Hal tells us that to get to Ivana, we will have to take one of the town's
ships out to sea where we will dock with Hal's ship and discuss the next step
in locating Dr. Cal Feene.  Until then we will stay overnight at the local
DewDrop Inn, a chain found in obscure towns everywhere.  The DewDrop Inn
treats us well, feeds us roasted beans, and the next morning we are off to the
dock.  There is one boat at the dock and one man who happens, stereotypically,
to have one eye and one leg.  He greets us with a hearty "arr", and without
further question, we set sail.  His name is Capt. A. Chino, a local to Valdez,
Juan of the town's most respectable citizens.  The Captain doesn't seem to say
much except "arr", but we interpret it on a case-by-case basis.

Capt. A. Chino finally "arr"s in such a way that we look out to the horizon
where we see a great big ship, and in the wake of that great big ship is a
little ship.  We dock with the little ship where we see Ivana K. Offee and Hal
Fenhaff waiting for us.  Gathered around a conference table in the main cabin
of the boat, the four of us discuss Dr. Cal Feene's secret formula and
possible whereabouts.  Suddenly, Ivana points across the room, shocked!  She
sees something the rest of us now notice: a telephone.  The problem is, if Hal
is really a citizen of Valdez, Juan of the items in his inventory should *not*
be a phone.  Ivana rises to examine the phone more closely at which point Hal
gets up, runs out of the room, and sails away in a lifeboat (a double agent
for M.W.H. Sanka?).  Unfortunately for Hal, he dropped a piece of paper in the
cabin while fleeing.

1     2     3
4     5     6

7     8     9

*     0     #


But what does it mean?  Ivana walks away to the Captain's boat in search of
donuts, leaving us to solve the puzzle.

Archived puzzles are located at

Cheers and bagels!
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