To: monday-morning-coffee@thor.cs.umass.edu
Subject: Coffee in 5 minutes!
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 09:55:02 -0500
From: Allison T Clayton
Happy Monday and Good Morning! It's going to be a pleasant week, I can
already tell, but to make it even More pleasant, the Coffee Collective brings,
once again, Monday Morning Coffee! There's just no sense in getting the week
off to uncaffeinated and unfed beginnings. This morning in the foyer, our
czars offer for your palatte: coffee, exquisitely brewed and ingeniously
displayed; bagels, fabulously designed, complete with a hole in the middle;
and donuts, constructed of super donut-y goodness. Please find the foyer
located in the same place as usual. However, if that is not possible, please
find it at the bottom of the main stairwell in the computer science building.
Public Service Announcement: There were rumours of bagel-tossing violence last
week, and our czars would like you to know that the bagels are not toys and
should treated, instead, as edible objects (mmm...). Repeat: the bagels are
not toys. Furthermore, to preempt any attempts at doing so, we would have you
know that the bagels are not programmable.
-------------
[puzzle continuation, begin Chopin-like mood-music]
Last week we met our heroine, Ivana K. Offee, on the island of Sweeten, low
under the equator, where we were given valuable information about some of the
good Dr. Cal Feene's work. This week, we are traveling to meet her at the
British province of Purquoh, late at night. Upon arrival, we are scheduled to
meet a gentleman, Col. O.M. Bean, who is said to be able to give us help on
our journey toward the recovery of Dr. Feene.
We have also received word that our arch nemesis, Max W.H. Sanka, is close on
our heels! He visited the island of Sweeten, low under the equator, shortly
after we did where he learned from the natives (who are not known for
secret-keeping) the same clue as we learned. Thankfully, he does not have an
appointment with Col. O.M. Bean, nor would the Colonel be willing to make one
with him. You see, long ago Col. O.M. Bean and Max W.H. Sanka were business
partners, but a great feud was begun when the Colonel found out that
M.W.H. Sanka had been lately and secretly leaving a key ingredient out of
their product. Sanka argued that the lack of this ingredient made the product
better, but he was gravely mistaken. The buyers of the product did not get
the same results as they had previously and soon stopped buying the product
altogether. The two business partners split and Sanka formed his own
business, marketable to a very few people, leaving Col. O.M. Bean to clean up
the mess Sa! ! nka had made. The Colonel owes much of his success since to
Dr. Cal Feene, and would do anything to return the favor. If the Colonel ever
speaks with M.W.H. Sanka again, it will only be to give him a piece of his
mind.
When we finally arrive at Purquoh, late after schedule, we find that Ivana
K. Offee has already been to the Colonel's house. Unfortunately Ivana found
the Colonel in a state that is best described as "not alive". Col. O.M. Bean
had been beaned in the back of his head by a mug. Luckily, on the table at
his side Ivana noticed a sheet of paper filled with what appear to be notes
for our meeting. It's nice that the Colonel was rehearsing for our meeting;
it's too bad his notes are chicken scratch. They read:
_______
"The government is"
"best that governs least ... That government is best which governs not at all
- and when"
"men are prepared for it, that will be the kind of government"
"which they will have"
""
"Time is but the stream I go a fishing in. Every man is a builder of a temple,
called"
"his body, to the god he worships, after a style purely his own, nor can he
get off by hammering"
"marble instead. We are all sculptors and painters, and our material is our
own flesh"
"and blood and bones. Any nobleness begins at once to refine a man's features,
any meanness or sensuality"
"to"
"imbrute them. Rather than love, than money,"
"than fame, give me truth."
_______
What could it mean? Again Ivana leaves us and goes to have a donut. We are forced to wonder why we are stuck with all the work while she eats donuts!
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Archived puzzles are located at http://www.cs.umass.edu/~allison/puzzles/
Cheers and bagels!
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