To: broadcast@thor.cs.umass.edu
Subject: Coffee in 5 Minutes!
Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 09:55:02 -0500
From: Allison T Clayton 

Ahoy-hoy, Good Morning, and Hello, World!  It's Monday again, and today we
begin our Four Month Journey and Adventure through the MONDAY MORNING COFFEES
of the semester.  We've a terrific new crew this term: Randy Casstevens, Song
Li, Kazu Hirata, Martin Allen, and Jerod Weinman, working hard to bring you
only the very finest.  Today in the foyer, our new Coffee Czar and Tsarina
offer for your regalement a fabulous blend of coffee, a splendid mix of
bready-wonders, and such cream cheeses as you have never seen!  Come one, come
all!


This term, along with humour and the usual reminders of the ecstacy of coffee,
bagels, donuts, coffee&bagels, coffee&donuts, bagels&donuts, and
coffee&bagels&donuts each week, I entice you further: a puzzle.

Our heroine, Ivana K. Offee, has been months in search of Dr. Cal Feene,
creator of a secret formula that turns Evil people into Good people.
Dr. Feene is rumoured to have gone into hiding upon a threat to his life by
Max W.H. Sanka, a dastardly man, who would steal the formula and destroy it.
If Ivana doesn't reach the Doctor before her nemesis, M.W.H. Sanka, tracks him
down, the world will be robbed of his secret formula, which is said to be the
most practical and wonderful formula in creation.  Ivana cannot solve the
puzzle alone; she needs your help in locating the good Dr. Feene.  With an
entertaining clue each week, she hopes you will be able to locate him over
this set of coffees.  Your search begins here; please do everything you can to
help Ivana.

[Clues may or may not have instructions for solving.  Exactly one clue will be
in each MMC email; each clue will yield a one or two word clue-answer or short
phrase.  When you figure it out, you'll know.  When you have enough
clue-answers, you should have a better idea of where to find Dr. Cal Feene and
rescue him.]

--------------------------
[begin tropical mood-music]

Today we travel to the small Pacific island of Sweeten, low under the equator,
where our heroine, Ivana K. Offee has been searching this week.  Ivana has
been notified of a reported sighting of Dr. Cal Feene on the island and is
eagerly awaiting our help.  Dr. Cal Feene was well recognized as the island's
only tourist.  You see, Sweeten, low under the equator, is not known for its
temperate climate (or for anything, for that matter).  Each summer Dr. Feene
returned with clipboard in hand, but somehow no one is able tell Ivana what he
was studying.  She recieved yesterday a hand-delivered mongoose with a cryptic
note attached.  The note read:

"Ms. Offee:

I have promises to keep.  The only thing we have to fear is fear, itself.
That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.  Never in the field
of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.  The buck stops here.
Eureka (I have found it)!  One if by land, and two if by sea; and I on the
opposite shore will be.  When shall we three meet again; in thunder,
lightning, or in rain?

Signed,
A Friend"

But what does it mean?  Ivana is going to go have a donut while you consider
the problem.

--------------------------- 
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Cheers and bagels!