Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 10:00:26 -0400
From: Message Meister 
Subject: Coffee Reduction Notice

We have been informed that for the next ten days, the Monday Morning
Coffee Collective has temporarily reduced the coffee available to the
department, and you have been asked to curtail all nonessential coffee
drinking especially between the peak hours of 9:30 and 4:30.  Loss of
coffee altogether may occur if consumption is not "voluntarily"
reduced.  In any case, temporary periods of 5% caffeine reductions
will occur without warning during peak demand period over the next ten
Please halt all nonessential caffeinated activities such as (and I
quote) "thinking and general cognition, locomotion and emotion,
anxiety and hysteria, worry, depression, excitement and mild elation,
brilliant insights, visions and original contributions, and any
other nonessential activities".  Halt or closely monitor all
(especially inter-personal) activities that are sensitive to caffeine
reduction, loss or surge.  For updates, check the MMC Emergency
Closing web page at:

- Message Meister, with apologies to Steve Cook

P.S. Don't worry, you're not being asked to shut down altogether.
Coffee will be served at 10am in the department lounge.

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