From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Message Meister) Date: Mon, 11 Dec 1995 09:59:15 -0500 (EST) Greetings in the passive voice. Coffee and bagels and donuts are being readied (although the edible toroids had not arrived as of this writing) in the lounge. A noticeable drop in attendance was observed at last week's MMC event. Flatterers of the Message Meister insinuated it was due to the delayed delivery of email that morning. This could not be confirmed nor denied by the usual authoritative sources, but indeed there was an incident of Monday Morning choking of the email, which slowed down the business of the department. A senior administrative staffer was seen approaching graduate students and communicating with them by voice about the status of their various bureaucratic affairs. This only added to the confusion, as it is well known that the automatic response to any action item is "send me email". We have to commend the system staff for their rapid reaction to the email problems, especially those caused by yours truly. On being informed of the crisis, senior administrators of communications infrastructure at the campus level indicated that the problem lies with the excessive volume of email generated into and out of the Computer Science department. "We are going to add some modems," they said, "but you better cut back on all that traffic." On asked about how to achieve a reduction (or at least a reduction of the growth), the administrator suggested that images be limited to black & white thumbnails, and that all vowels be removed from the text of email. "Vwls r rdndnt n nglsh," thy pntd t.