Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 16:00:52 -0400 (EDT)

Greetings.  Next Monday is a helliday so most people have the day off.
The MMC Collective is far from being composed of 'most' people, but it 
takes holidays seriously.
       That means: no MM Coffee on Monday, but on *Tuesday* instead.

In the meantime, here's a voicemail message for next holiday Monday.
 RING . . .  (*)
 RING . . .
 (endearing recorded voice): "Welcome to UMass Mental Health."

 o  If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press <1> repeatedly.
 o  If you are codependent, please ask someone to press <2>.
 o  If you have multiple personalities, please press <3>,<4>,<5> and <6>.
 o  If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
      Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
 o  If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
       you which number to press.
 o  If you are  manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
       No one will answer.

This ECB (Emergency Coffee Bulletin) brought to you by ...

  The Government of Cuba: Celebrating Thirty-five years of 
      unsuccessfully trying to sell sugar to America.
  The Internet Addiction 12 Step Program:

  ... and by coffee drinkers like you. 

(*) Credits: Mostly appeared on the Net, Author Unknown.