From: Jay Corbett 26-Mar-1990 0930 

REMINDER: The new official starting time for this event is 10:15.

THIS WEEK: Bagels are back.

I hope you all had a great spring break. Mine was traumatic:

[Day 1] Monday, March 19, 12:10pm EST
     After cleaning the coffee pots and putting them away for another week, Jay 
sets out for the Blue Wall to enjoy a quiet lunch eavesdropping on faculty
conversations. He never arrives. Witnesses say three masked men in tie-dyed
T-shirts abduct him at fingerpoint in front of Hasbrouck. Friends begin to

[Day 2]
     The following letter is delivered to the Collegian:

  "To the DoD, Department of Computer Warfare, UMass

      We people for social justice have kidnaped your
   beloved Czar and hold him. We have demands:
     1) No more DoD funded research at UMass!!!!!
                                         (YEAH!! is scribbled in the margin)
     2) The farm just purchased must be sold---it will be used to test the 
        death robots you are building.
     3) The hatch must serve Tofu.

     People for a Socially Just Place to Go to School (PSJPGS)"

Also enclosed is a confession signed by Corbett admitting that his
HIREME system is really intended for control of a robot army, rather
than "distributed wheelchair navagation in retirement homes" as he

The elite "beer corps" of the Umass police is given charge of the
investigation. They believe that the PSJPGS is a radical wing of the PSRU,
which they know is a Communist plot. They think Corbett is probably being
held somewhere in Southwest, an area no one really controls.

[Day 3]
     A meeting is arranged between the UMass administration, the UAW
(representing the graduate students), and Lyle's "Tofu City", which is 
believed to have "influence" over the PSJPGS. The administration refuses 
to negotiate on two grounds: "We don't talk with auto workers and we don't
trade farms for hostages."

[Day 4] 
     The Collegian reporter who gave us "CyberLust" on the front page joins
the PSJPGS, learns the identities of the kidnapers and the location of the
hostage, and reveals everything in a front page expose'. The Umass police
quickly free Corbett, who vows never to eat Tofu again.